Saturday, March 5, 2011

If only she knew the pain and suffering he was going through.......

He looked into her eyes.  She could not endure the stare and the way he looked into hers. She was speechless. She could feel his eyes looking at her, they were all over her and without realising it she said, “Sham, don’t look at  me that way.”
“What way?” he responded.
There was silence.
“I miss you, Sue. Very much.”
That was all. The next second he was gone.
She performed her prayer and went back to the conference hall. Anita was there at her seat.
“Are you all right, Suzana?” Anita asked.
“Yes, thank you.”
“But you look very pale as if you have seen a ghost.” Anita teased her.
Suzana smiled but deep inside her, she was fighting. She herself was not sure what she was fighting with. It had been a long time but this meeting with Hisham had brought back the old memories. The memories of them; the two of them; Hisham and Suzana.
The talks continued, the second and third guest speakers presented their topics on professional development. Suzana did not listen to them as she was somewhere else mentally.
The talks ended at 4.00 pm. She made her way to her hotel room. She had enough for that day. She was mentally exhausted and had no appetite to join other participants for tea. As other participants were having their tea, the lifts were empty and she did not have to wait or queue to take the lift. She went into one of the lifts and someone joined her. Again it was Hisham. She could not avoid him. He was next to her, too close to her. She was suffocated and breathless.
“Sue, look at me please,” he started
She took a deep breath but did not move her head.
“Sue, please, look at me,” his soft and husky voice struck her ears. She had missed the voice for 11 years.
Slowly she lifted her head but dared not look into  his eyes. Her eyes rested on his lips and she heard him say, “Sue, into my eyes please,”
Slowly and reluctantly, she looked into his. Those eyes were killing her. The sharp look he had on her, was as if she was stabbed straight into the heart. Those eyes belonged to a man once she loved very  much and those eyes still had the magic power they once had 11 years ago. She was silent. They were silent. Their eyes held each other for a few minutes as if they were communicating.
She felt tears on her cheeks.  She could not hold the tears and clumsily with her  warm fingers, she brushed them away . She grabbed hold of herself and leaned against the wall of the lift. He needed not do anything to make her cry. His presence and the memories they had were enough to cause the heartache she was enduring. He kept on looking at her, the tears and he could feel the pain in her but he too was helpless. If only she knew the pain and suffering he was going through looking at her now.....