Sunday, April 17, 2011

......to live their lives without each other.

“ Sue, please don’t tell me to do that. I can’t do that. I can’t forget you for you have been in me, in my life for too long and to forget you is an impossible thing to do.” Hisham responded to her request when she asked him to forget her and continue with his life.
He had tried to forget her but it was not an easy thing to do. He could not erase her from his mind and heart. He loved her so much that it would tear him apart every time he tried to forget her . There was and would always be a place for her in his heart. She was too special for him. Her request that night had hurt him more and more.
“ You have to, Sham. Loving me will make you suffer and I can’t forgive myself. Seeing you hurt like this.....” Suzana repeated her request when they reached the hotel entrance.
He drove to the parking lot in silence, parked his car and turned to look at her. There was anger on his face  and his eyes met hers. He asked her to look into his eyes and she obeyed.
“ Don’t you ever ask me to forget you because forgetting you hurts me more than loving you. I am happier to love you than to forget you. Loving you makes me alive, Sue. I am what I am today because of my love for you. Loving you makes me a happy man though I know now you will never be mine. Please don’t ask me to do that....allow me to keep on loving you, to cherish the beautiful moments we had together because those are the only things I can do now.” His voice became softer and the pace slower when he reached his last sentence.
“ I’m sorry, Sham. I thought that it would be the best for you, I just want you to be happy. It is killing me, seeing you like this, you are in so much pain because of me....”
“ Don’t....please, it’s not your fault, Sue. It’s not our fault. We are fated to live a separate life.” Hisham sounded firm and comforting. He did not want Suzana to feel that she was the one to be blamed for what had happened. He did not want her to continue her life feeling guilty. As he said, it was not her fault.
“You have to let it go, Sham. It’s the only way......”
“ No. I can’t. I tried many times, Sue, to forget you, but I couldn’t. It hurts me more. I am happy loving you....believe me....I want it. I want to love you and it’s my choice. Let me love you......”
“But....”
“ I know...I will never be able to.....” Hisham could not finish the second half of his sentence. He had to rephrase his sentence so that it would not hurt them both.
“ Sue, I know that you will not be mine but I am happy to continue loving you. Please, allow me to love you and cherish our memories....please, for my sake...for my happiness..” Hisham smiled and that was the smile he had on his face on the last day they met at college.
Suzana cried her eyes out listening to his words. They were like knives cutting her into pieces, stabbing right into her heart and killing her. She wanted to hold him tight and tell him that everything would be fine but she could not because things would not be fine for him or even for her. Both of them knew that after that night, things would be different and difficult for them. It would be a great burden for them to live their lives without each other.   

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