Thursday, June 28, 2012

.....our story ended eleven years ago

It was the most difficult thing to do. It was not easy to tell someone you loved deeply that you would not marry him, but someone else. Suzana hated herself, what more when she saw Hisham's reaction to her announcement. Hisham froze momentarily after hearing that she would marry Adli not him, and she could see the tears in his eyes. It hurt her deeply too but she had no choice. She had  to tell him the truth.
The sight of Hisham that particular moment tore Suzana's heart apart. He was badly hurt by the news and she felt like holding him, comforting him and telling him that it hurt her too. The man she loved very much was in pain and she could not help him as she herself needed help. How she wished all that was a dream and would disappear once she woke up from sleep the next day. Unfortunately, it was not a dream, it was real and the reality was what she hated most.
"I love you, Sue...."
"I'm sorry, Sham. I didn't mean to hurt you. I wish this was not true. I love you so much that I would never want to hurt you but I lost you eleven years ago, Sham. You left me...."
"I love you, I love you, I love you....please don't marry another man. You can't marry him. I won't let you.." Hisham's husky voice was shaky and more tears could be seen.
"I want to see him, I want to tell him that you love me and not him and you should marry me. I won't let you marry him, Sue. You're mine." He was in terrible pain and his voice proved it.
"Please understand me, Sham. "
"I love you and you know that, right? This hurts me, I can't live without you. Let me talk to him..."
"It's too late, Sham. The wedding is next week."
Hisham was shocked and grabbed her hand. He held it so tightly that she could not do anything about it. Being able to "feel" him made her dizzy and her heart beat even faster. She shivered and quickly pulled her hand from his grip. 
"You can't do that. It's too late, and I don't want him to know about us. I want you to continue your life without me just like what you did before this course. You have become a successful man without me and that shows you can live without me."
"It's never too late, Sue. My life is imperfect, Sue. I'm half dead without you. A successful but unhappy man, that is what I am."
"Hisham, listen to me. You have to let me go, as I am your past and as I said before, our story ended eleven years ago." Her tone showed the despair in her. She cried and all the words she wanted to say stuck at her throat. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


This holiday, we ( my hubby and I ) decided to take the children to some interesting places in Perak. We deleted shopping in our list as it had been the must-have agenda in all our holiday trips. Anyway, I did not mind at all , for I had done my shopping earlier in May...3 pairs of baju kurung, 2 pairs of shoes and a handbag ( more than enough I think ). We wanted to explore Perak as we realised we had not seen all the places yet. We started with Gua Tempurung and spent more than 2 hours there. Spelunking was not my cup of tea but it was a great exercise for me. The children enjoyed it very much especially my youngest boy, Danish. He was always in front of the others and had to stop and wait for us to catch up with him. We took the second package which led us to the third platform, the top of the world (TOW). It was tiring indeed but all of us enjoyed it very much. I still feel the pain until now ( may be due to my wedges...nak melawa jugak...).
The second stop was "Kellie's Castle" where our photography session took place. We had lunch at Johnny's, requested by Dayana. She wanted the "Korean feel", so she got it. Next stop was Gunung Lang, a recreation park. We had a boat ride and again photography session. The picturesque view was amazing. I felt very close to nature.  At night, the children wanted to go to "Gerbang Malam" and there they bought some football jerseys with their favourite numbers and names written on the jerseys. Nothing for me as I mentioned earlier, no shopping in the list. The next day, we headed to the last dredge or "Kapal Korek". Danish explored the place and asked lots of questions (some we could not answer, especially about the technical things like how the dredge worked). We then continued to Pasir Salak, which was a long drive there.Going through the history tunnel there , my children learnt some history....and it helped me recall my history lesson which I learnt more than 20 years ago..( has been a long time...). On the way back from Pasir Salak, we decided to say Hello to the leaning tower of Teluk Intan, so we dropped by and took some photos there. As it was only to say Hello, the children stayed in the car and said their Hellos from there. There were some stalls selling beautiful things, clothings etc...but I was not interested to see ( remember, no shopping hehehe.. ). We left Teluk Intan...and all my children were sound asleep...too tired ,obviously. 
It was a tremendous holiday for the whole family. Spending our time, enjoying the scenery, learning something about the history of the state, having conversation, teasing each other and having meals were the things we did together ( it does not mean that we did not have all these before,.. but we had them without any interruption this time) .Those were beautiful moments we had and one thing for sure, I managed not to think about my work for a short while.